Small town fights can get downright nasty. Don’t worry about this guy; he’s a re-enactor with the Dog Creek Gunfighters. Photo by Becky McCray.
Yes, I do get asked “Is my small town the only one that is this messed up?” The answer is no, you are not alone. We all wonder about it. We all think we must have the most messed up small town anywhere.
We deal with some part of the continuum of bad behavior:
- pettiness
- backstabbing
- gossip
- roadblocks
- sabotage
- hidden agendas
- public agendas
- ax grinding
- illegal actions
- yelling and screaming
- and yes, even the occasional death threat.
My own grandmother endured death threats while teaching reading in a small town. Reading!
No, you are not alone. The truth is, no matter how bad your small town is messed up, there are others just as bad or worse. Do I really need to tell you about the towns where the new resident started an anonymous blog publishing horrific attacks on town leaders? Or the one where the mayor locked the town board members out of the town hall? Or the one where the law had to be called to attend council meetings? Or … you get the idea. You know more examples, too. But that isn’t the part that matters. What matters is the solution.
There’s only one way out.
You have to go around them. You may even have to back up and try a completely different route, but you have to go around them.
If you’re going through hell, keep going.
In Texas, I heard about two towns in the same county who are still harboring animosity, bordering on physical hostility, from things that happened more than 100 years ago. The local guys told me over and over how it just wasn’t possible to do anything with that other town.
But… it seems there is a successful brew pub in one town, and a just-getting-started brew pub in the other town. And the two pub owners have been talking, sharing ideas with each other, and generally treating each other like human beings. Which shouldn’t be possible given the town-wide animosity.
Those two brew pub owners are the example. Follow their lead.
Find other like minded people, and work together. Leave the hostile people, or the antagonistic people, or the CAVE people, to do their own thing. And you do your own thing, even if it’s only a little thing at first. It will grow from there.
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Becky McCray, thank you. I cannot today express my true respect and gratitude for this blog post. I needed this encouragement. I will simply say again, thank you.
Katie, we all have times when the small town mess gets us down. I hope it helps to hear that you are not alone.
Becky you have hit the nail on the head! I am so glad someone is talking about this very real, small town occurrence. You are right that all small towns deal with this, some to a lesser degree than others, and a few that could quite frankly triple your list! I like to say that small town people are the most difficult people you will ever love! …it’s pure passion – that sometimes goes off course!
Your post has reminded me to get back out there and join forces with other like-minded residents in my small town. Thanks Becky!
Kenda, too often we keep quiet and think we’re alone with these problems. That’s why I felt like it was time to bring this up.
Oh girl! I could learn a lot from you and your stories! Love your storytelling! So glad to know you Becky!
– Andrea Cook
We all have our own stories, and I’m glad to know you, too!
Becky, you’re spot on! Could I suggest as well that it’s not just small towns, but any organized entity such as churches, companies etc. Even the wide-reaching social media sphere has its share of this behavior. If the situation is a church, sometimes people simply leave and take their faith elsewhere. If it’s a company and things get too awful, leaving is the same. If it’s where you live though… it’s a whole lot harder to leave! So your advice to go around “them” is great – develop healthy behaviors and relationships where there are none!
Gina Kay
ginakayRE
Thanks, Gina. I agree that it’s not just small towns. It’s all over. But it can still feel very lonely for those going through it.
This post is right on the money. I work in Texas and have heard many stories over the years. Not only about stuff that happened 100 years ago, but also football rivalries that carry over to the rest of the week and prevent regional collaboration & partnerships. When a new member city joins or calls about our organization, they’re always shocked when I run through the list of possible scenarios they’re dealing with (business owners that don’t have set hours, building owners who don’t maintain their buildings but ask for crazy rents, difficult political situations, etc) and they’ll ask – How did you know that about my town? Then I explain that there are many, many communities facing these very same issues, and others that have come up with tangible solutions. My job is to connect them all together!
Exactly, Catherine! We are not alone in our situations, whether good or bad. We have much to gain by working together.